Recovery Resource: XXXChurch

Craig Gross and his XXXchurch ministry take God's message of love directly to those "in over their heads with pornography, both consumers and those in the industry". Their approach is often radical, sometimes provocative, frequently irreverent, but always honest.

The website features blogs aimed at teens, couples, men, women, pastors, parents, and wives, video clips, an online community, a 30 day recovery program, and the excellent free accountability software download X3 Watch.

Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Having spent the better part of my adult life living with nagging fear, Max Lucado's latest entry into the Christian self-help hit me right where I live. Each chapter Biblically and anecdotally examines a typical area that evokes fear (fear of dying, fear of failing to protect our children, fear of losing everything, fear of disappointing God, fear of not mattering, etc.)and challenges the reader to consider Jesus' invitation to have courage. If you are confronted by dread, insecurity, or doubt and want faith to become your default setting no matter what the circumstance pick up this wonderful book and start imagining a life without fear.

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Religion Saves: And Nine Other Misconceptions by Mark Driscoll


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Based on an idea drawn from 1 Corinthians, Pastor Mark Driscoll decided to poll visitors to his church's website regarding their most controversial questions and then answer the top nine vote getters. The result is an in-depth look at such topics as predestination, grace, humor, birth control, sexual sin, faith and works, dating, the emerging church, and the regulative principle (I know, me either!). The result is enlightening, informative, sometimes shocking, convicting, and encouraging. Written in his trademark witty and in-your-face, pull-no-punches style, Christians and non-Christians alike will find much to chew on in this excellent book.

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Recovery Resource: eXXit.org

eXXit.org is a ministry website offering somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 daily 3-minute Bible studies aimed at helping those faced with sexual temptation overcome it. Formatted to highlight a Bible passage, ask a reflection question, and then offer a short paragraph of practical help, these devotionals are an excellent resource for daily thought and inspiration for the porn/sex addict.

Addiction and the Road to Recovery

"Acceptance is the first principle of recovery. Recovery begins when an individual moves from denial to acceptance. It does not happen all at once, and it isn't something that another person can do for the individual suffering from an addiction. Still, each time you confront a person with reality you help bring him closer to accepting his situation and seeing the need to change". Read the rest of this article at Addiction and the Road to Recovery

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Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Francis Chan, pastor of Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, California asks the reader to consider what it would be like to live out an authentic, radical faith and then lays out a convincing, and convicting, argument for doing so. Using scripture, his own personal experiences, and true-life stories of people completely sold out to Christ, Chan challenges lukewarm Christians to start living the life God created them for by falling in love with Him and allowing themselves to be overwhelmed by the crazy love He has for them. This is a book that should be on the must-read list of every Christian.

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It's Not My Fault: The No-Excuses Plan for Overcoming the Effects of People, Circumstances or DNA and Enjoying God's Best by Henry Cloud


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Sadly, I am one of the people this book is aimed at. I tend to play the victim of circumstances and find reasons to deflect the blame for things that aren't quite right in my life onto other people, onto God, onto upbringing, onto....what have you.

Drs. Cloud and Townsend pull no punches in showing the reader how to overcome faulty thinking, come to an understanding that there is always a choice available, challenge ourselves to stretch and take smart risks, say no to the things that block our dreams, and deal with failure in a way that does not paralyze us from moving forward and living the best life God has planned for us.

Each chapter makes effective use of models of behavior and insights from years of counseling patients in their practice. This is a book that will transform you from an excuse-maker to a dream-chaser!

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Another great read today comes from Jeff over at the Porn To Purity blog. Jeff has some really great insights into the question can God still bless you when you're looking at porn? I agree that often we are blessed in spite of our struggle just because of who God is. In fact, at times during my struggle, the fact that God blessed me or my family anyway actually encouraged me to stay in my sin because I thought God didn't care what I did! Crayzy, huh?! But, like Jeff, I was missing what porn was doing to me and my family under the surface.

Interestingly, I frequently find myself struggling with the flip side of this thought i.e. that the BAD things that happen in my life are because of my addiction. For example, my wife has been coping with a serious illness for the past few months.......an illness that has put an end to our sex life for the time being. At first, I was coping well but, as time went on, I lost my sobriety and returned again to looking at porn and masturbating (the porn binge ended after 2 weeks but I'm still struggling with the other). I often have the thought that prayers to heal my wife are going unanswered because of MY sin. I have often felt this way over the years - that various things have happened to me and my family as God's punishment for my addictive behaviors. I know it's not entirely reasonable to think this way (and even somewhat narcissistic) but it's where my thoughts often go.

How about you? What are your thoughts on this issue, friends?

Stockholm Syndrome & Porn Addiction

Luke Gilkerson over at the excellent Breaking Free blog has posted a very interesting article studying the parallels between Stockholm Syndrome and porn addiction. I found myself nodding my head in agreement as I read it because, while I never made the connection between the two before, I could see how my own addictive behavior would support the idea. I spent years being a slave to my addiction because it was a more comfortable and familiar place to be than was a life living for, and trusting in, God.

Please take a moment to read more here.

Anyone for Being Noticeably Different? (Part 1 of 2) | CCEF

"Do you ever get the feeling that the church – that is, us – is gradually giving up in its battle with sexual passion? I am certain that I have been to conservative churches where the actual practice with some sexual sins, such as premarital sex, was, “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” The message of the culture is finally taking hold: you can’t put boundaries around voracious sexual drives – at least men certainly can’t. Too much momentum of having been instinct-driven simians and all that. We have enough stories of prominent preachers who, while preaching against sex outside of marriage, have already given up the battle with the beast within"..........

Read more at Anyone for Being Noticeably Different? (Part 1 of 2) | CCEF

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Pornography's Devastating Effects on Marriage

"Porn creates a set of expectations about sex in marriage that are quite literally impossible to fulfill.

Over the last decade, I've spoken about love, sex, and marriage to many churches across America and Canada, including Baptist, Methodist, Church of God, Church of Christ, Community Churches, and many more. After sharing scriptures to teach God's view of sex in marriage, I offer audiences a chance anonymously to write questions on index cards.

Typically written in female hand, one of the top five questions from Christian audiences goes something like this, 'As long as we both enjoy it, isn't it okay for us to watch porn to spice up our lovemaking?'"...........

Read the rest of this article here.....
Pornography's Devastating Effects on Marriage

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Lessons From San Quentin (Book Review)

Lessons from San Quentin: Everything I Needed to Know about Life I Learned in Prison by Bill Dallas


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
A captivating story detailing the changes God wrought in the life of Bill Dallas as he served a 5 year sentence in one of the nation's toughest prisons. Here he shares the lessons God taught him through San Quentin's "Lifers" and he passes those revelations along to the reader in an engaging and conversational style. The lessons are practical and applicable to every Christian walk and is a testimony to the amazing power of God to change and transform lives and lead even the most seemingly hopeless of souls into a relationship with Him.

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The Porn Talk: How To Talk To Your Kids About Porn

As a porn/sex addict whose first exposure to pornography was at age 7, I understand better than anyone how important it is to approach your children early about the dangers of porn. Back in the day, all I had access to was a stack of magazine's my buddy's Dad kept under the bed. However, these days porn is readily accessible by our children with the click of a mouse.

That's why I think resources like The Porn Talk are so valuable. This website is loaded with good and timely information and tips to help parents get a leg up on talking to their kids about this delicate and difficult subject matter. Under the Porn Talk tab on the front page, you'll find links to conversation starters, the do's & dont's of engaging in the discussion, how to overcome your fears in approaching the subject matter, guidelines for age-appropriate discussion, and tips for conducting family follow-up.

Under Action Steps, learn the warning signs that your child may be using porn, understand your responsibilities as a parent, get tips on how to protect your child, explore a list of helpful resources (such as kid-friendly search engines), and download wallpapers and banners to help spread the word.

The Critical Issues section breaks down the characteristics and development of kids by age group and offers parents ideas for protecting them from internet porn.

Watch & Listen features brief video clips from kids and parents who have had the talk as well as public service announcements plugging the website. The Expert's Corner explores issues of intimacy vs. porn and the consequences of porn use. And, for those parents who find themselves facing a serious and pressing issue that needs to be addressed immediately, a large red Panic Button on the homepage provides answers to the most frequently asked questions.

Overall, the information presented is very good and parents should find it very helpful. However, as a Christian parent, there was one thing sorely lacking and that was any mention of God and His plan for sex, marriage, and sexual purity. Although the Porn Talk team includes pastors, the information takes a decidedly secular (but not necessarily worldly) viewpoint with God completely missing from the conversation.

The Father's Heart